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I Hate This Dystopia

Storm The Plateau


- Ism Levee -

Here lies the face of the new machine
Already rusting between dirty sheets
    that we tried to beat clean
        like the sins of so-called heathens
    not realizing our blindness through the eyes of our own demons
So like seasons we binge on life and death
Purging in third worlds the mess of our nests
    our humble unknowns from which we turn our heads
        as far as we can before breaking our necks
We bend and twist like contortionists
All in vein
To avoid the face
of this pain parade
     in the hopes that we may  masquerade
a little longer
        in our once gray, now black water
Though we all live in a glass house
    and not all of us want out
I am throwing stones despite my home
    to smash away all the panes
        as I've been feeling a bit claustrophobic these days

So I left as a Ranger with the weight of the world on my shoulders
   to became a vulture
        nestling myself in the valley of two boulders
To intense heat from cold streaks I combusted spontaneously
And from the ashes a new series of dreams was born to lead me

Now this is my pilgrimage
Flesh red with that wanderlust itch
I'm on the road again, only this time with less
    trying to fill the void that WAS my existence
    with something more than nothingness
Cause I got this notion that space and time
    are one infinite ocean - a construct of the mind
        the fabric thereof being information
            implicit by nature
            limited only by creation
So I asked myself with this new found wisdom
    what were the tools that got me to listen
And the more I thought
    the more I got lost
        in a dance
            with my ego's
                entrapping cause
It wasn't until I realized I know nothing
    that I learned to fly

I've only soared as high before in dreams alone
afraid to let myself let go
Clutching crutches like feet on a tight rope
teetering between the highest towers
begging to get back to base, I cowered
from bliss for illusion in a temporary fix
Chemicals to trip, alcohol to forget
aspirations devoured by a faceless pig

Consumption for the sake of destruction
bleeds dreams forever as a lost function
taking the form of any addiction
claiming the cure is in the infliction

Until the levees broke and flooded receptors
I was lost in a maze of myself
A dose of reality about soul collectors
shattered isms to pieces and turned weakness to wealth

- No More Bars -

you have an intellect I've always revered
fearless in navigation to uncharted spheres
where no light guides your steps unheard
into battles beyond our seeming absurd

deeper and darker and stiller yet
to storms in garages from dreams of basements
it's plain to see why these fossils leak
when we confront this wall every other week

we have walked down this hallway before
and led ourselves through different doors
traps were planted but we were given the maps
and knew which ones would try to hold us back

whether busting in or picking the locks
we knew the keys weren't under fake rocks
so why do you look where you know they can't be
then give up the search and numb yourself to sleep...

one day you will understand it all
and equate existence with all of its flaws
liberate yourself and transcend disease
while calculating infinity

it starts here with open ears
and a heart that reflects what it feels
without the filters, the poison, the haze
it starts in living life for today

one day you will reverse this plague
freeing your love from illusory chains
by realizing your gift is not evil in eye
and continuing to color outside the lines

project your mind, don't dumb it down
simplicity of your nature, well that is your crown
bring it with you through every door
and you will win your internal war

- Beer City Thursdays -

a bit too hoppy for me, Milwaukee
but your burritos make up for the difference in scene
better than bitter
American Bruce Lee strangling me, karate chopping fake enemies
while a nose bleeds proof of my elitist tendencies
all apologies

numb now let's thrash together
and stitch up the parts of our night we still remember
before the fog suffocated the canvas blank
we roamed amidst its crawl down these dark streets and drank

then back to the east overpopulated with bums
screaming about liberation with freedom tying tongues
we stumbled over our words, lost in the haze
it was all just noise we heard, snarling sound waves
as we wrote songs on paper to bury as mines
though forgetting where we dug them was not our crime

corners drenched in ammonia and booze
was the charge for our night the state would choose
against everything else until we didn't care
to watch it chase its tail with nose in air
running in circles and talking trash
and we were accused of being rash?

Thursday is gone and so are we
these are just fragments of pieces from beer city

- Factor the Sky -

the kingdom's rusted air
led us to a series of stairs
missing platforms and hand-rails
five stories of curse and flail
in the unfamiliar murk
where asbestos lurked
long before the grain rot
in prison cells business forgot

we went on dodging man-holes
to the next death-defying row
of steps towards the sky
a tunnel that led to light
a ladder that led to the roof
a poem read to set the mood
a buzz felt that didn't stop the cold
an adventure that never got old

wind assisted, the city won
we said goodbye to the skyline
our right to the throne was finally up
so we took cover from spot light
all the way down to a black bridge
from nightmares we had when we were kids

this is my ail - not Indian pale
too cheap to afford anything more
than stale carbs in my house of cards

please leave me be, but leave behind the security
of strength in numbers so in place I may slumber
as a drop out unaccepted by society's rejected
who dropped out before
but any deeper of a level is frowned upon
by the un and the non
who never understand
what they try to make me understand

- Cities Again -

woke up to a song familiar, incomplete
rolled out from sleep into an even more surreal dream
I was freer to move and deeper to think
but subject to the rules of someone else's being

a man cried out

"life is so frail!" and asked for help
with no service to offer, I led him to the trails
the same that saved me
from insanity
we walked down a path to a different one
and crossed a man loading his gun

said he was scared, but his image was his job
with eyes scanning hard to find the mouth
from which only truth came out
he was looking for something sound
something to believe in
it was his forgotten empathy
that gave me to him

again I woke now to a familiar face
it had no voice but still spoke to me
its vertical glance was trapped in grass
the kind you're told is greener on the other side
I heard a bark but only out of habit
through the face in my window fully lit
it was on the outside wanting in

- Fly Fearless/Bird Song -

Karlov kisses that amplify the ends
are just one means to find warmth again
secret serenades in a dialect so strange
we just bathed in its moonlit waves

all that i've said is all that i've felt
the hole inside that I don't want to hide
when I think of time without you
pursuing a freeness we both want to
I'll learn it all and bring it back
to break those chains from your past
so financial woes won't rest heavy on your wings
when we master flight like birds outside of dreams

like birds

they have it great, they fly and sing
build nests to feed their offspring
till one day they fly away and perpetuate
the cycle of simple ritual
singing songs I wish I could sing to you
but they're in keys we can't match
and timed rhythms that last
only the blink of an eye
so all we see are shadows in the sky

in the sky

where no rhythm is choked by the stopping of trains
where if you want you can tap all day
to create or listen, to breathe and be
to live it all up until living leaves
or to wake up again just to lay in bed
forgetting your schedule to clear your head
to wander down streets or run through fields
where nothings as real as what is real

what is real

reality was our second date in albion basements
now it's concentric ties knitted by indifference
on a tie dye semblance resembling the constituents
of an early time when we'd sit just fine, but now
will we decide to do nothing more than sit and listen
and to be wall flowers playing with buttons and zippers
while the lines above, beyond and in front
share their rage by fists pumping all at once

we found our peace without chasing a thing
without ever looking we found the key

-Glen Henge -

spinning backwards into puddles of piss
after poisoning himself- axe and sawless
he digs and digs while the past trips
a lunatic playing songs for kicks
supervises from fallen forest debris
the very reason we find this scene

crawling out of mind
an idea born to materialize
the immortalization
of previous generations
though this is just a tribute
to tribes longing to continue
intuitive flows
via positions known
to hold significance
and little bits
of wisdom to uncover
a treasure once discovered
but lost to the time
it served to define

it's been several centuries since stone heads were planted
tonight we burn plants and stone minds with antics
as we ferment our wits in a confusing rage
while lightning, thunder and rain
mask the sounds of a bike raid
escape

return
to fly our final flag
the fire no longer burned
and we were blinded by a flash

we filled 6 out of 8 holes
lacerating the sky above the plateau
finding ourselves in the center of a storm
we ran for cover losing all form
until reassembling under the pavilion
flipping picnic tables to block the wind

when we were done, so was the fight
mission accomplished at least for tonight

- Spiral Cell -

I never could afford the kind of vault I'd need
to keep the ones I love from ever being seen
by the machine drunk off blood, thirsty for massacre
but the four walls of this bathroom made me feel secure
at least enough to not wanna lock the door
which was a bigger mistake than any I ever made before

theoretical physicists match up the brands
left behind by militant marches in their land
on fists not for pounding but for wads of toilet paper
tattooed by lust on the most vein of purple vapors

this constant revolution and regime change
leaves everybody a victim and inevitably a slave
to fear and to hate, but also to dreams
so run as far as you can before reality's victory

reign supreme and shed light on my darkest corner
from a pack of grunge warriors, she stepped out of order
leaving behind the line to peek one more time
at what she thought to be a figment of her mind
but no imagination can create such shapes
without a form as foundation, so she fired away
the first round was a test to see if I'd move
I did, she smiled - we froze not knowing what to do
terror would be an understatement and cold would be a lie
I turned pale as a ghost when she came over to say hi

assault rifles now gone, my why opened wider
behind one of my halves were all of her admirers
regarding our status the blur shut off
until the threshold became more than ajar
she smiled again but this time it meant less
then it did when she had a gun to my chest

- Three Stones In Hand -

fell everything unhinged and entropy collapsed
down on this hallway where nothing is romanced

where dimensions are less than infinite drill
Know that I am not here, but deep under nil

the absence of light sparked fable tales
of a tunnel presenting itself from behind silk veils
no more involved in illusion than before
I impassively wander through every open door

creation is imperfection, death liberation
all acts of man are petty preservation
of lies false egos preach to us
fueling destruction through insatiable lust
we cling and we cry, never to ask why
only damn our condition and neglect open skies
gift is a curse when your cup is not full
but anything less is too much for one soul

riddles and metaphors could never conceal
the hideous face of a fear this real
and meaning is just that, no more no less
we are all empty space, waiting, vacant
the grind, the law, the drive for all
will never fill such a gaping maw
the game we play to count down the days
we've been given, but for granted we take
ends the same

three stones in hand is what visions spoke
in dark places of the mind so be beauty evoked
interpretations ran scarce and resources limited
to what was in reach of a web thus conditioned
to wait and ponder, to sink and fall
to wonder if there is a problem with any at all
of the definitions at hand, the objective queue
the truth we all knew before our fears grew so huge

- Patrimony -

If I said I'm only capable of lies
Would you follow any of my advice?

A fork in the road, unsure of your path
One to prosperity and one to death
I'll grant one question to a lost friend..

- At Large -

Emptiness fills my vision
As numbness starts to set in

Terrified but trapped inside
The shell that I've become
Comfort is the only
Thing worth running from

- Drizzle -

Sole: exclusive, unshared, singular, unique
the seat of our bond
the you, the we
that once was so still no storm formed wake
but that now reflects candle flicks
above river beds as noise lost in city winds
the bed remains the same in only the way
a song is wished to wash away the pain
heal wounds and lessen scars
hopeless some would claim
though it's dance is purely ours

how i long to be like water
perfectly passive, fluid in function
i wish to erode my past corruption
the time it takes, i promise to wait
if you could forgive such a mistake

i, the desert wanderer, and you a grain of sand
slipping through my fingers
my twisted hour glass
lost to the times
    two years of building dreams
        and trust and memories
            but i tore at the seams
                to entertain sick fantasies
                        of not being me
so far from the start, a lonely rolling stone
stumbled upon a piece that completed every poem
the ones i could not write
of happiness and peace
until you showed me life through simpler means
the joy you take in little things
that my eyes glaze over at darting speeds
fills me to the brim
with a cure for old sufferings
for him a ditch to bury in i dig
the ladder you offered
the music we shared
the thoughts we traded
of things for which we cared

remember Kentucky, adventure on a whim?
or your sister not getting the joke
about remembering something
that just happened a moment ago?
remember real talk
and our misadventure in wonderland
where all i wanted was to sit next to you
and hold your hand
or your  flirtatious smack
to the back of my head
we walked so fast, so far
we were so cold out of your car

700 days later i broke your heart
let you down
went to drowned
in the flow of my eyes
above the washing sound
then
alone in the woods
i watched a bird fade like a dream
against the silhouette of trees
a destiny not to be seen
but my favorite color
intuition
painted songs of hope
along imaginings
of putting meaning to words now burnt by actions
i fucking love you and regret falling for distractions

my tears hit so hard
flooded like my room
the ugly visualization of a once predicted tomb
but i no longer fear my trips to the tracks
they never threaten to stop me from coming back
i promise (not a useless promise, i promise)
to quit scapegoating, to stop not self-controlling
no more inhibition lowering
will drag me with them by my own crooked will
my spirit never again become ill
but instead

still

like the river only what is reflected may dance
again, permanence, the bed is always relaxed

i am the underlying of the mirror
capable of choosing
what to relate to in the atmosphere
no more boozing
i replaced my flask with a notebook
ego death in the flesh
party no more Dionysus
a flash from lids over your eyes
condensed bullshit equations
endless complications
ones i used to fuel an image
projected onto projections
until you caught my bluff

drizzle, a light rain on an inflamed brain
pave the way to a safe place
from tangled weeds you saved me
from suffocating, self-deprecating

I'm sorry that I fucked up so bad
if you ever forgive me
if you ever can
i will spend a lifetime making amends
i have learned from regret
i promise (not a useless promise, i promise, i promise)
this will never happen again

i never meant to hurt you, i'd much rather die
than sit through watching pain caused by my
insecurities
water your eyes

Missouri
    not misery
        scissors please
            cut from me
                this weight
            dead baggage
i know you need time
    i just could not wait
i already miss you
    it's been not even a day

- Little Spoon -

sitting on the floor of your living room
knowing that your parents would be home soon
so caught up in the moment we didn't care
but when that door opened we ran to hide the beer

basking in blue hues from your tv screen
you moved an inch closer to whisper to me
about how I was your favorite again
I leaned forward and kissed your forehead

I woke up feeling better than
when I fell asleep alone in my bed

I don't want to trace outlines of you under covers
when we could paint dreams in the eyes of each other
travel the world in our palms endlessly
on a quest for eternity through simile

you're subtle like a river around silent bends
I want to be the tree carrying you through my limbs
together we can reach far beyond the stars
promises of making heaven home now ours

the absence of pain is all that's real
I can't seem to shake this fake i feel

let's steal everyone's bottles so we can build a dream
and fly away to the moon cause everyone here seems
addicted to the traps they set for themselves
hanging losses like trophies on their shelves

but we can cut ours and leave the baggage behind
to see what life is like on the other side
away from city lights and into the deep nights
I'll be your big spoon if you'll just be mine

I'll be your big spoon, always have your back
if you'll be my little spoon, my other half

- Retreat -

Dextrolitus! called out the god of Thought
In extreme bewilderment he cried out
Once more the name of his mortal bloodline
So loud that the whole Earth shattered this time

Then violently the ghost of his machine
Fell from his Astral self  - woke from his dream
He was asleep for a minute it seemed
His vision blurred, and he could barely see
He pried his eyes open - they weighed a ton
He knew he hadn’t been sleeping too long
Knowing he slept since at least four fifty
He jumped out of bed and furiously
The digits of his clock were spinning fast
He was mortally outraged when he asked
Who is this that calls my name while I sleep?
How dare you disturb my one time of peace!

It is I, Egoid, who has crafted you
From the seed of patterns of every hue
Egoid, the source of all from what was none
I destroyed space-time to find you, my son
There is a path which only you can find
No one so worthy in all of mankind
The Multiverse granted me permission
To give you sensory-deprivation

How can this be real? I need to see proof!
Is there any way I can know it’s you?
If you are the Ultimate Consciousness
Why in my quests are you so elusive?

You who manipulates sound vibrations
King of men and of aural sensations
Do you not believe in the frequencies
That only you create, though you can’t see?
I sacrificed symmetry to give you
Better ears than the balance that most choose
I have given you more to think about
Than the others who wanted a way out
Some run from me and some give endlessly
You are free to either musically
These instruments were made for you to use
Is the trance of such not sufficient proof?
And as for your quest you know only math
Even physics, but where’s the other half?
Have you not studied String and M-Theory
Enough to know about reality?
When one looks he shall never in life find
The true nature of even his own mind
You strive too much and are seeking balance
I have come to you with your last challenge
For others have tried and some do not care
But the gods above have put you right here

You imply a center where I exist
Though in my own kingdom I feel unfit
Oh Egoid,  Ultimate Creator Of
Is this a complex I must overcome?

Angrily the god of  Brain Matter said,
Has skepticism left your whole mind dead?
Still you ask, when I demand you listen
Has not your destiny been conditioned?

Do you suggest that I have no free will
That if I did I’d create my own hell?
How is man to know wisdom uncovered
God or neuron - created, discovered?!
When I believe I relinquish control
Therefore, logic and reasoning I know
To suit my life more than a leap of faith
How can I submit to that with no face?

You, Dextrolitus, have created me?
But from where I stand it actually seems
That I transcend all of humanity
Is not your logic a form of belief?
To you two and two will never be three
The truth is the leap is necessary

Dextrolitus enraged cursed the spirits
He demanded to see some evidence
Logic to you may be irrelevant
But, he went on, it is all that I get
Why am I to leap and swim in your void
Even if you are the Conscious Egoid?

Suddenly Dextrolitus woke again
His dream of a dream was to soon begin
How was he to know if he was awake?
He asked as darkness blanketed his face
Strangely he could not see, feel, taste or hear
All was numb - did his vivid dream turn real?

Time stood still and space was nonexistent
Locked in this void his thoughts weren’t so distant
All of his fears crept up slowly on him
He tried to suppress them but knew they’d win
Memories and emotional distress
Ignorance and all childhood regrets
Consumed the thoughts of dead Dextrolitus
He realized he’d been living an image
Of what he thought to be just and perfect
But also that none of these thoughts were his
He tried to run, and epitomized man
But where can one go when there is no land
Or structures, politics, ideas or time
To cower beneath or to hide behind?
One by one phobias were presented
As the gods that they once represented
The god of desire robbed him of peace
She grew gigantic and split his psyche
Now there was a right-side brain and left mind
Two towers split in the blink of an eye
And as the infinite distance between
Expanding universes’ galaxies
Whose expansion grew exponentially
And instantly and indefinitely
Due to the quantum level and the gods
Who created it all while still at odds
With each other over control issues
So is the gap between a path to choose
And in between a line of deities
Danced in the void waiting to be appeased
A Dead Slave to his thoughts, Dextrolitus
Remembered Egoid and his dream challenge
Frantically, he bit threw all of his chains
To free his soul of this eternal pain
The endless line of thought-embodied gods
Used their powers to destroy his neurons
Dextrolitus the Bodiless Being
Attacked the first thought that was within reach
The more that he fought, the faster the thought
He felt his essence beginning to rot
His perceived sense of identity died
The shell that remained did not justify
Any of the reasons he wasn’t free
Then he chose to create his destiny

Dextrolitus the Ill-Fated Mortal
Fell as nothing into a rabbit hole
The thoughts of his dream were no longer gods
But parts of himself that he feared a lot
The end of this astronomical tube
Was the voice of reasoning and of truth
The mouth opened up and swallowed him whole
He was digested, then out spewed his soul
Finally, he could see, feel taste and hear
And instantly confronted his own fear
It was that of a familiar form
Its eyes foretold of an on-coming storm
They were pale blue and the pupils were small
Irritation plagued the mirrored eyeballs
Dextrolitus stepped back to see some more
Then in horror he collapsed to the floor
The face he was staring in was his own
His senses flushed and he let out a moan
He saw the sound waves travel from his mouth
The storm broke out as they shattered the ground
His reflection was destroyed by a voice
That came from below and sounded like noise
Blood began to drip down from both his ears
The storm raged on for what seemed to be years
The pain was beyond any suffering
The Champion of Sound had ever seen
Of all the infinitely dense knowledge
He stored only what seemed of importance
And still his mind was full of this deceit
But swore that it was all worth being free

Finally, Egoid appeared and then asked
Do you still wish to live as a free man?
Have you yet cursed your gifts of thought and sound?
Will you give up freedom to live for now?

The Enlightened Dextrolitus replied
I  have killed my pride and this is my life
If you are the true creator of things
Then you decide the probabilities
It was my desire that caused all this
And its my head that I have been trapped in
So you are just an extension of me
And now I choose to leave myself empty

Egoid then shouted out in disbelief
How is it that you have discovered me?
You are right, it is not I who made you
But you who found me and that is the truth

Just then Egoid vaporized in thin air
The path to waking life appeared right there
Dextrolitus this Hero of The Self
Cautiously stepped forth to exit this hell
His eyes opened and were burnt by the sun
His clock told him it was four fifty one
Knowing that there would be even more strife
Dextrolitus woke up from sleep and sighed…